RocketchuGirl98

Wow...I just realized it's been like a month since I turned 21 and not once I really still post here? Ig I'm only here for comics now? Idk...depression is still hitting me I'm still more active on insta but hey I'm for once practing and testing out art styles thanks to ibis pulling out same bases to use for like positions and shit....um..I guess life update; everything's great, I'm actually happy for once other then once again my irl friends became toxic and pushed me far off the edge to the point I actually just fucking snapped. Worse part was it wasn't even their fault that their Boyfriend made them fucking toxic and manipulated them into thinking they're legit demons? I mean sure you can believe what you want but please don't shove it down my throat. Um..so yeah arguments happened to the point all of us practically stopped talking well..they stopped talking to me the third one occasionally talks to me * totally don't think he hates me secretly * um...depression despite me getting better has actually gotten worse to the point I'm genuinely flashbacking seeing alot of damage I've done in the past and remembering those moments; to anyone who I may have hurted in the past I am so so fucking sorry. I swear if I could go back to the past and avoid any drama shit that happened when I was in mid school- sophomore I would but I can't and it actually makes me feel like shit remembering those moments and not willing to make somewhat amends. But whatever....um....Oh yeah the good parts! I uh...I've been doing stuff more often believe it or not I socialized with people you uh..saw what happened there..ended up with the right people that turned out to be the wrong.. Caught up with my childhood friend things seem ok for her which is good I guess, I don't know I was listening on and off being stuck in my head. My yesterday doctor's appointment suck to the point I had to complain to the manager how shitty that was. I met my boyfriend finally three years ago yeah heh we've been doing good and actually worked alot of things out even tho it kinda feels like it's not heh...um...yeah....life's a shit show still but isn't at the sametime, I got away from my toxic dad and moved to cali back in 2019...I Finally had my awakening on who I am in the most kind of fucked up way possible so that was great to. Someone tried to use me as a healing tool that was fun um...actually only good thing that happened so far this year was actually meeting someone in the creepypasta Fandom and my boyfriend and I just fucking around on my birthday otherwise...nothing really happened just shit show after shit show after shit show then break then shit show again. Hell even the suicides thoughts are back gladly not as bad as like back in Phoenix but..they're back so yaay...I can't even talk to my therapist about this since the whole feeling out of place started happened. Talking to them is exhausting now. Being near anybody is exhausting. I thought about getting a job when I get my license! Already got a planned where too and I'm already getting burned out from the idea. Actually I've been pretty fucking burned out for awhile with myself....the jokes that happened recently along with the fights and everything didn't help either. Honestly it's getting to the point I might need a break away from almost everyone and just draw for awhile and post on tumblr it's gotten so bad. But knowing me I can't ignore everybody. I'd feel too bad and my impulses to check dms every once in awhile will fucking bug me. * groan * so yeah...that's how I've been, just trying to grow up..trying to just survive and ya know...hanging in there. Slowly yet surely.... Bright side of things right now; the stalking feeling is finally gone but not completely....kind of use to it ngl. Date; March 9, 2022 Time; 12:50 am? Am is technically before the son is up right? After midnight passes? Entry title; life is a fucking shit show. User/Auther of the journal entry; Anthony/Rocketchugirl98 AKA me. Ps sorry it was long to those who actually read it. Just anxiety and stressed amping up again. Not even venting to people would help * before anyone suggest it*